Translate

Friday, 23 June 2017

Sutherland Writing - Show Don't Tell

The Sutherland Writing Group have been working on using Show Don't Tell in their writing. This is a technique where they add more detail to 'show' what is happening to the read rather than the reader being 'told' what is happening. 

Using a GoPro video (at the bottom of this post), the students wrote in first person as they were a mountain biker biking down a steep hill. Their goal was to have the reader picture what it was like for the biker. Read some of the groups examples below and then watch the video to see if it matched up to what you were picturing in your mind.


'I could hear the countdown “Three two one” I pushed down hard and I was off. Up ahead I saw a steep cliff as I dropped down it I had butterflies going CRAZY in my stomach.I rushed past a stone hard, brown, dirt wall with thick, black graffiti on it, I felt sweat running down my face. I stopped and looked down and saw the steepest cliff I have ever seen in my life!!! I thought “ This is a nightmare!!” but I heard the crowd cheering my name “Go CariDee go, Go CariDee go!!” they yelled I felt confident in my body so I rushed down the cliff and then “ uh oh bad idea” I said, I saw an old, rusty, black ramp.I closed my eyes tight' - By CariDee



'I'm ready I'm waiting then suddenly ¨three, two, one and  go” a man shouted, as  I pedaled hard and as fast as   I could, dirt flung in my eyes but that wouldn't stop me, nothing could cause  today was the day I could be my best!  


All I could see were rocks and dirt for miles. I looked  to my left all I could see where sharply carved rocks leading down to the bottom of the mountain, but I knew I would befine.                                                                                                                            
My tyres screeched as I turned on to the path. I had to go down the staircase of rocks  carefully. I went on the path that was as slim as a skinny snake. I griped hard onto my handle bar as I rode  down the steep hill.' - By Mia P



'I can hear the commentator talking over the speakers “3,2,1 Go!” A whiff of rocky dirt goes through my nose I can't believe what I see or actually what I can't see half of the track is missing! On either side of me is a straight plummet to the ground where dead bushes lay half buried in the sand  but I pedal faster and faster I can hardly breathe my arms were going numb my legs are squeezing together my heart was pumping so much that I could taste the blood in my mouth. Yeah boy I say as I catch a piece of air and I land my first flip, back on the track I think ducking and diving dodging all the cliffs my wheels went round and round and round and round smoke was coming from the rubber the drop was getting steeper' - By Tane







No comments:

Post a Comment

To support my learning I ask you to comment as follows:
1. Something positive - Begin with a greeting. Talk about something you like about what I have shared.
2. Thoughtful - A comment that will mean something to me to let me know you read/watched or listened to what I had to say. - use any language.
3. Something helpful - Give me some ideas for next time or ask me a question.
Encourage me to make another post